stains on your cheeks and holes in your hearts
by snowdrifts
Summary: the ghost of you is close to me. i'm inside out, you're underneath. [Rated T for character death.]


**A/N: Well. I read this really sad story. And this formed into my head. The story that inspired this one is "letting go" by _Neverlanding Rapunzel_. You should definitely go check it out, it's amazing.**

 **It's my first time writing a story in "you's" (you'll understand what I mean, soon). I tried my best. I really wanted to try it out, because I usually write all of my stories in third person, and I felt like this would be a fun challenge. I caught myself a few times writing this in third person, so their might still be some errors I didn't catch. :)**

 **This story is rated T for character death and other dark crap that made their way out of my brain.**

 **Enjoy!**

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Farkle Minkus was a genius.

You knew that, everyone did. He was weird, he was loving, he was loyal, he was amazing, he was all of those things you would want in a friend. Of course to you, he was way more than a friend, but you like to keep it to yourself. You tell yourself that it's _your_ little secret, not theirs. You feel like they don't need to know about you two.

You remember that time where Farkle had to pick between you and your best friend. It was a competition that you both ended up winning – you both went with him. The smile on his face was one you never wanted to forget.

But you knew that eventually, all that will be remembered of Farkle Minkus would be the pictures that were left behind.

You stood next to his best friend, his hand gripping tightly at your best friend's hand. His eyes were blank, his teeth were gritted and his whole body was tense. You knew it was hard for him to control his anger. Your best friend seemed to help a lot with his anger issues, something you couldn't do back then. You were well-aware that if Maya let go of his hand, he would go off into an unstoppable rage. He would probably scream and kick, try to dig his way to him, punch the priest in the face. _He didn't know Farkle,_ he had said.

As the casket was being lowered into the ground, a tear rolled down your cheek. You didn't notice until Zay wiped it away with his thumb. You hooked your arm around his and held on as tightly as you could, because you felt like you could have fainted when the first handful of dirt hit his casket. Soon, it was your turn. You threw it over his casket, your eyes lingering on the wooden box for too long. You didn't realize you had been crying until Maya pulled you away from the hole in the ground. Everyone was already gone, even your family. You vaguely hear your best friend tell you that she sent them off, but you don't listen. Your eyes are still on your friend's grave.

You barely pay attention to what is happening around you. Zay calls out your name a few times, but you don't answer. You finally realize that Lucas is driving, his right hand still holding Maya's, but this time, it's her hand clutching Lucas' tightly. Your best friend always had some anger issues, and you're aware that she always did her best to keep her emotions in check. You look into her eyes, searching for an answer. Why did he have to go? What pushed him over the edge? Why didn't he seek for help?

Your friend looks down and looks back towards the road, and a minute later, Zay has his arm wrapped around you, trying to calm you down. Tears are flowing down your cheeks and all you want to do is hold him again, smile at him again and kiss him again. You want him to be holding you right now, because as much as you care for Zay, you would much rather be with _him_. You feel the same way whenever Lucas or Maya holds you, that feeling that something is just _wrong._ It's always there.

You try to snap back to reality. You realize that you're inside your own bedroom, sitting at the bay window, and you find yourself waiting. You're waiting for him to walk in uninvited, you're waiting for his usual _ladies_ greeting, you're waiting for him.

Maya is now holding your hand, and you end up lying down, your head in her lap as she strokes your hair. Lucas and Zay are sitting on the floor, both of them loosening up their ties and taking off their black jackets. You finally pay attention to what is going on around, trying to take your mind off of _him._

Half an hour without anyone speaking later, Lucas finally tells them about a time where he and Farkle went to Texas during the summer, and telling them the crazy things Farkle had done. Maya and Zay laugh, but you can't bring yourself to do the same.

"I miss him." You finally say. Your voice is raspy and your voice breaks, but they don't care. They all hug you and you cry, because he's gone, he's buried, and he's never coming back.

You miss his laugh, you miss his smile, you miss his kisses, you miss his hugs, you miss his behavior, _youmisshimyoumisshimyoumisshim._

All you want to do is scream. You want to yell at him, tell him what a coward he is for leaving you like that, you want to kick him and punch him and hit him until he understands that he _cannot_ leave you like that.

But he did it anyways.

You glance at the clock, and realize that it's already 2 AM. You would normally be sleeping, but since his death, you can't find sleep as easily as before. You can't find the force to get out of bed in the mornings. You can't find the force to do anything.

You and your friends are all lying in your bed, and Maya's arm is wrapped around your waist. You try to shut your eyes as tightly as possible, you try to convince yourself that it's _his_ arm and not hers; because you just hope _he_ is still around, _somewhere. Anywhere._

You finally fall asleep, tear stains on your cheeks and a hole in your heart.

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 **A/N: Don't forget to leave a review, they always make me smile and make my day!**

 **-xx**


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